Happiness

We lost Crystal's dad recently. I started writing a post, to thank the people who have been surrogate fathers to me. I don't think Crystal's dad really thought of me that way, which makes sense thinking about how you'd see the significant others of your children. I'll get back to writing that post, but just wanted to write a little bit about him, because he did a lot for us, and taught us a lot.

I think the biggest thing that you could learn from him was how to be happy.

Personally, I don't think it's the most important thing for one to be happy. I think we should think bigger than our own happiness, always aiming to do more for the happiness of others.

That said, I think if you're living right, other people are naturally going to care about you, and their happiness becomes intertwined with yours. At that point, I think, if nothing else, your health and happiness are responsibilities you have to the people who care about you. They're maintenance skills you have to learn if you care about them, too.

Various studies have looked at what the best way to be happy is. Looking at income (doesn't matter beyond a certain point), and the acquisition of things vs. experiences (favor experiences), but I think these miss the point.

If you're unhappy, it's not because maybe you lack money, or things, or experiences. You can try to figure out what to aim for more of among those, but what you don't have enough of, for certain, is appreciation and gratitude.

If you take a moment to think about the astronomical odds against even just your birth, and your tremendous fortune to have been granted a mind that could grow to contemplate happiness, and an environment that allowed it to grow, I don't know how you could not marvel at your good luck, regardless of any other factors in your life.

The fact that people have given you their precious time and attention, no matter how little, in spite of them owing you nothing, is incredible.

You can continue this exercise ad infinitum.

Crystal's dad had been told he had a short time to live since his mid-30s, in the wake of severe heart disease. He lived to 60, and in the 10 or so years that I knew him, he taught me a lot, by example, about the appreciation of simple things, and being grateful for every day you're given, and fighting to take the ones you weren't.

Now that he's gone, I think it's important to avoid the trap of grief, and focus on our great fortune in having had him in our lives, and what he'd given to us, and how we can apply what we've learned from him, going forward, and how we can disseminate it. To spread the happiness he gave us.